I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
