piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
