i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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