you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
