I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
