areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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