You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
