Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
