Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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