i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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