somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
two words: eviction party
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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