i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
