The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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