I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I deserve this hangover.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
