if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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