it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
