Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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