i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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