shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
