Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
