Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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