a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't deserve a penis
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
