k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think im going to throw up on grandma
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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