Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
