You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I did not marry a roomba.
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