so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
