ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
