He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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