Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
