sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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