Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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