hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
