Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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