I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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