PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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