words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
