The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
