I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
