Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ruined the universe
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
