i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
