it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
