Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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