I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
