i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
