I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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