you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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