hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
