I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
