My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
40s are totally the cure
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
