how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
