I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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