i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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