I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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