i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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