is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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