just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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