false alarm. still invincible.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
