oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
