dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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