i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
