What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
