Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
